Knitebane Manor Illos libenter devoramus qui nos opprimere velint

Standard Disclaimer

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Knitebane Manor.

Caution: Knitebane Manor may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

Knitebane Manor contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Do not use Knitebane Manor while driving on public thoroughfares.

Discontinue reading Knitebane Manor if any of the following occurs:

  • Itching
  • Vertigo
  • Dizziness
  • Tingling in extremities
  • Loss of balance or coordination
  • Slurred speech
  • Temporary blindness
  • Profuse sweating
  • Heart palpitations
  • Voting for progressives

If Knitebane Manor causes your computer to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. Knitebane Manor may stick to certain types of subconscious thought processes and return while you are sleeping.

When not in use, Knitebane Manor should be returned to its special container and kept under armed guard and refrigerated.

Failure to do so relieves the makers of Knitebane Manor, Nightmare Products Inc., and its parent company ACME Nuclear Research Corporation, of any and all liability.

Contents of Knitebane Manor include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

A link to Knitebane Manor has been shipped to our troops in Afghanistan and is also being distributed to Navy SEAL Teams in undisclosed locations around the globe.

Do not taunt the proprietors of Knitebane Manor.  Especially Mrs. Knitebane.  No, really.  Don't say we didn't warn you.

Knitebane Manor comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Knitebane Manor  -- ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!